Ditching the Coffee…and the Apostolic Tradition

Happy Christian Nihilist
3 min readOct 4, 2023

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IMAGINE FOR A MOMENT being the Calvinist pastor of a Reformed Baptist Church.

You reject the use of icons, incense, vestments and traditional church architecture — everything that instills, inspires and communicates an awareness of the nature of that heavenly worship at the throne of Christ which we are mystically participating in. Despite the fact that the Church was ENTIRELY LITURGICAL in her worship for 1500+ years in East and West prior to the Reformation, you LITERALLY REJECT any semblance of ancient liturgical worship.

You reject the historic and central purpose of Christian corporate gathering on the Lord’s day (partaking of the Eucharist), because you literally DON’T BELIEVE in the Eucharist; the pinnacle of what historically was “acceptable worship”. So the very thing that Orthodox Christians spend the entire (prior) evening and morning preparing to witness and receieve on Sunday…the very reality that demands our reverence, awe and Godly fear…*you reject the reality of that thing*.

The Eucharist is such a serious matter that St. Paul writes that some get sick and even die as a result of partaking unworthily (1 Corinthians 11:29–30).

Orthodox are supposed to attend a Vespers or a Vigil service on Saturday evening, pray somewhat lengthy pre-Communion prayers, reconcile with those who have grieved us, and from midnight onward, fast from food and water just to make some kind of sincere effort to ready our souls and properly approach the Mystery of Mysteries with a pure conscience. The Eucharist is so serious that historically, those who weren’t yet received into the Church would be escorted out of the nave prior to the consecration of the bread and wine at the Epeclesis… it not being thought appropriate for them to even be present.

Instead of all that, you (reformed baptist pastor man) casually pass around a tray of oyster crackers and grape juice or wine on a bi-weekly or monthly basis.

You reject the pious and holy Tradition of limiting liturgical music to vocal expression (a cappella). No, instead you’ve got rock bands and folk music! You literally start your service with a live music concert *on a stage*.

IMAGINE this is you. Imagine these are the things you believe, and the way you conduct “worship” at your “church”.

Now imagine thinking you have *any basis whatsoever* to rip that precious sacred cow of a coffee cup out of anyone’s hands at your church. I mean, you already can’t bind anyone’s conscience to a single thing you teach since they’re only voluntarily submitting to your perceived spiritual authority because they *happen* to agree with your teaching *enough*…at least at this moment.

So, devoid of any actual spiritual authority, imagine thinking you’re going to have success telling people that can’t sip their coffee while you’re on stage passionately divulging your theological musings and convincingly explaining why everyone should care about your purely subjective understanding of the Scriptures (and thus, the faith).

That ship has SAILED, my friend. Authentic Christian corporate worship is a Divine and transcendent experience where we pray together and literally Commune with the Lord Jesus Christ Himself. You’ve reduced it to a sub-par rock concert and a cult of preacher’s personality.

The irony here in all this is PALPABLE.

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Happy Christian Nihilist
Happy Christian Nihilist

Written by Happy Christian Nihilist

Poetry. Prose. All the hits so far. Don’t expect too much. Musings on theology. Thoughts on life, death, and the dash betwixt and between.